I feel like a fool uncertain of what I should tell you, and what I should feel
Should I love you because you say you love me? Because you say you’re real?
But words are just words and only comes from the mind and mouth
How can I be certain if distance hinders us from finding out?

I have so many questions, about you, your life and all
Why do I have a feeling that I am starting to fall?
But a tired heart can’t be certain for it has been broken before
Can you love and accept my past, my present and more?

I have found a really neat anecdote that I shall try to live by…

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really are strong, And you really do have worth.

The band played this for me tonight. I try to keep inner pain to myself and go on with a smile but sometimes, it takes only one song to release an aching heart…

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

I love you
And I’ve loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

According to a test I took a few weeks ago (so ok it’s not really a test it’s just a game), I have 57% chances of going to hell and I will become famous – and subsequently killed by a stalker.

Honestly, I’ve had a history of stalkers. Twice during my early college and twice just after college. And here I go with a bit of the details…

I’m tired beyond relief. I hate my job (well not all of it, just the parts where I’m assigned to stuff my title doesn’t cover). I miss my baby sooo bad I’m actually rethinking about continuing my day job. The only problem is I worry that I might not make enough by working at home.