I didn’t intend to disappear for half a year. I can’t even believe I lasted this long without writing anything on my blog (save for my vote for Mike during the blog awards). I even took down my blog for the last month or so and replaced it with the LOLcat. I have wanted to breathe back life into my blog several times mostly for the wrong reasons. But now that I’m just a couple of sleeps away from my birthday, I thought it would be appropriate to reenter the blogging scene. Simply because I miss it.

Woah. What’s this? An update?

And no, not because of my break up with my quasi-boyfriend. No, not about my mom being a hit and run PUJ accident. No, not about the Lifehouse concert nor the Oktoberfests. No, not about my addiction to Plurk. No, it’s not because I’ve change my website’s look again (I’m working on that). Well, guess what… It’s because of the 2008 Philippine Blog Awards

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

A part of me has been dying. It has been waiting for its death since god knows when, and yet I held on to it blindly, not wanting to let go, allowing it to eat away my own life.

To others, it might have been long dead, it might never even have existed. But I held it within my grasp because I thought I could fix it. That I could bring it back from what I hope was just its slumbering state. But I concede, with only one request.

Wow, I allowed more than a month to pass without blogging. Part of it is because… Hmm… Do I really have to explain myself? Nah. Never mind. Everyone who knows me knows I’ve been avoiding confrontation. It has been a hard year for me. Seriously.

Anyhow, It’s already May! Unbelievable! Just got home from vacation/exile. I’ve met camels, dessert lizards, koalas and wallabies on the way. It’s amazing how much culture shock I had to go through and how I suddenly missed it as well.

Forgive me if it will come out offensive to some, but I do not like wearing an Abaya. I feel like I lose my individuality whenever I wear it. I feel suppressed and highly deprived of sunshine, ok not really. I just can’t seem to express myself with clothes. All the women looked alike to me. Like ghosts in black floating on the sidewalks (parang mga black lady kamo). But I know it’s like a puny shield from the stares of horny-horny-haven’t-seen-a-woman’s-flesh-since-childhood men. Believe me. It can be degrading sometimes how some men there would look at you. Like an object. Just something that can be possessed. Whatever.

And then there’s down under. For the short time I was there, only two words can sum up my experience: topless beach.

The picture will tell you otherwise but I am actually still in frustration that I cannot finish any of the designs I have been working on since the start of the year. Moping around with a broken heart and bad ailment is not my thing. I have been trying everything to get my brain out of the designer’s block. I have gone and busied myself this year, meeting up with the guys and gals of TMB (The Man Blog), meeting new friends through Facebook and that Human Pets application, going crazy with the drinking buddies, finally seeing a big client, caught up with family reunions and bonding times, tried and enjoyed playing Airsoft, caught up with college friends, hanged out with my daughter, pushed to the limits, gone on vacation and heck I may have done it all, except the designs I should have finished by now! I hate having my imagination down in the dumps!