I haven’t had decent sleep for the last 52 hours. I am cranky, quick tempered, obnoxious in some ways, depressed and just a few nicks away from being suicidal…
This is no computer I’m typing on.
It is a still pond, having been reflected upon.
It rains outside, cold and silently,
and inside me someone wants to drown.
I really have no plans of killing myself. I don’t overdose, not slit skins nor jump buildings. I am already physically numb that I think anything I do to my body would do nothing to get my mind off the pain inside. I am bitter. Bitter like the coffee I have just gulped (I forgot to put sugar again). My eyes have gone dry and there doesn’t seem to be a reason to cry. Should I cry for you? If I cry, my tears may be just dust.
I haven’t sleep because of work, it has been my excuse for not looking for you, for not bothering you, but I think of you and you’ve never left my mind. And that is what I fear. I fear that you are just a dream and so I avoid sleep for I don’t want this dream to end. But what I fear most is that if I sleep… I may never wake up again.
Oh the drama…