Life

Sleepless in Sucat

May 25, 2007

I haven’t had decent sleep for the last 52 hours. I am cranky, quick tempered, obnoxious in some ways, depressed and just a few nicks away from being suicidal…

This is no computer I’m typing on.
It is a still pond, having been reflected upon.
It rains outside, cold and silently,
and inside me someone wants to drown.

I really have no plans of killing myself. I don’t overdose, not slit skins nor jump buildings. I am already physically numb that I think anything I do to my body would do nothing to get my mind off the pain inside. I am bitter. Bitter like the coffee I have just gulped (I forgot to put sugar again). My eyes have gone dry and there doesn’t seem to be a reason to cry. Should I cry for you? If I cry, my tears may be just dust.

I haven’t sleep because of work, it has been my excuse for not looking for you, for not bothering you, but I think of you and you’ve never left my mind. And that is what I fear. I fear that you are just a dream and so I avoid sleep for I don’t want this dream to end. But what I fear most is that if I sleep… I may never wake up again.

Oh the drama…

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  • Reply fire_lady May 25, 2007 at 2:00 pm

    😯 oh dear try to get some sleep…..
    take care of your self…

  • Reply kennots May 26, 2007 at 2:02 am

    pare!!! matulog ka naman! ang drama mo tol! kulang ka lang sa sex!!! hahaha joke lang pare baka sa creek na ako matagpuan matapos mo mabasa to

    pare, mahal ka nun, wag mo masyado isipin. tingnan mo nga dami daming nagmamahal sayo si kwan at si yun hoha! haaaay pag nagmahal ka talaga sis daig ang bangag! ingat ingat naman pano ka mamahalin kung asa morge ka na no.

  • Reply Colleen May 26, 2007 at 3:07 am

    If it’s meant to be, it will happen. That’s what I think. Joiz, remember what I wrote you. Do your own thing, let him suffer. You don’t deserve this game, life’s way too short. You could have anyone! You’re gorgeous, smart, generous. If he can’t see this, he’s a fool.

  • Reply joiz May 26, 2007 at 2:16 pm

    I do take care of myself, but sometimes, when I’m too sober to the point of insanity (sober but inebriated?), I forget to take care of myself and wish someone else I want to, would. Ha! Wishful thinking…

    Kennots, two letters… F.U. pare… F.U.

  • Reply mikmak May 26, 2007 at 11:45 pm

    haha you got the two thing bug narin! everyone has it already ah. Kennots, gaya gaya ka, ako nagpauso nyan e hindi tuloy ako makahirit tungkol sa love life ni joi.

    oh wait, I know! Got to words for you girl: GET. LAID. :mrgreen:

  • Reply joiz May 26, 2007 at 11:51 pm

    ARGH!! Stop it with the sex talks already! With friends like these… honestly who needs enemies… 🙄

  • Reply Jake The Miserable May 27, 2007 at 12:36 am

    Nakupo ate ‘wag mo na pong sundan ang pagka-bitter ko. =)

    Manalig ka lamang, minamahal na kaibigan. It’s just one of those days.

    Hindi tulad ko na halos araw-araw na yata ay “Depression Cycle.”

  • Reply Colleen May 27, 2007 at 1:36 am

    Joiz, I know the feeling, many times I want someone to take care of me too. I want a nurturing man, I’ve never been with one. I miss my mom bringing me soup and stuff when I am sick and I don’t have to ask. I want a man who’s taken over those duties.

    Anyway, I am not gonna have it but I am sure you will, I’ll be hoping and praying things turn out well for you sweetie.

  • Reply genkied May 29, 2007 at 12:06 am

    “This is no computer I’m typing on.
    It is a still pond, having been reflected upon.
    It rains outside, cold and silently,
    and inside me someone wants to drown.”

    I feel your pain! hehehhehe

  • Reply joiz May 29, 2007 at 3:14 pm

    @ Jake hehehe nananalig ako… dumadaan lang talaga sa ika mo nga “depression cycle”

    @ Colleen bingo! I want a man who’d take care of me without me asking for it. I need a little loving rin naman

    @ genkied haaay in love ka rin noh? wahahaha

  • Reply detoxified_alipunga May 30, 2007 at 10:29 pm

    Di ako marunong gumawa ng mga tula e kaya ito na lang mare–

    Umiiyak ka na naman
    Langya talaga, wala ka bang ibang alam?
    Namumugtong mga mata
    Kailan pa ba kaya ikaw magsasawa

    Sa problema na iyong pinapasan
    Hatid sayo ng boyfriend mong hindi mo maintindihan
    May kwento kang pandrama na naman
    Parang pang TV na walang katapusan
    Hanggang kailan ka bang ganyan?

    Hindi mo ba alam na walang pupuntahan
    Ang pagtiyaga mo dyan sa boyfriend mong tanga
    Na wala nang ginagawa kundi ang paluhain ka?

    Sa libu-libong pagkakataon na tayoy nag-kasama
    Iilang ulit palang kitang makitang masaya
    Naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka nya
    Siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang iyong
    Tunay na halaga

    👿 🙁

  • Reply joiz May 31, 2007 at 6:39 am

    wwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

    ayos ah kinanta ko pa talaga… natouch ako 😥

    langya ka bat mo tinawag na tanga boyfriend ko? 😡

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