When it rains, it doesn’t just pour, it floods.

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with my karma meter this week but everything is turning out very very wrong and very very bad.

I was in a depressing mood since Monday and I didn’t know why the heck I was feeling depressed until I received an email and a call from some folks in the US giving me terrible news.

First my friends, Omar and Duls (along with their kids), die in a car accident and even if it’s not obvious, it’s honestly very hard for me to take this when I’m helpless and can’t even be there for the wake because I don’t have a visa for the US.

And then my longtime planned Elbi visit (in hopes of relaxing for a night) was obviously canceled by an alarming incident that concerned my cousin last Thursday night (pinasok ung boarding house nila ng mga magnanakaw na may mga weapons habang nandun sila sa loob).

I’m not bitter about the canceled plans, it’s the thought of how my cousin is that bothers me.

I honestly do not want to go into the gory details. The mere mention of how many stitches he underwent, and fractures he obtained, gives me shivers. The mere thought of what happened, weakens my knees. Ayan kasi naisip ko pa, nanlalambot tuloy ako. Naiiyak ako. Bat sa mga kakilala ko pa talaga nangyayari tong mga ganito.

I couldn’t work, for the first time in weeks, I just couldn’t put myself into the tasks I have to do. My hands won’t even agree with me, I cannot sleep, I am edgy and emotionally unstable. Maybe the sudden depression during the first day of this week was a sign, I don’t know pero sobrang wala ako sa sarili ko, I was oddly suicidal without proper reason and now these things happened.

I am trying to be indifferent and nonchalant because I really have to work, and I usually enjoy this type of work I am assigned to do now… But how could I, any tips out there? I feel like my brain is exploding. I sometimes amaze myself for being able to withstand all these crap without any morale support (this is your cue to give moral support).

You guys, be more careful were you stay, with what you’re doing, anything… Just be alert and careful, ok?