Nang magpaulan si lord ng kagandahan, nakakuha ako.
Nang namigay sya ng katalinuhan at kabaitan, nakahingi ako.
Nang magpaulan sya ng talento, namakyaw ako.
Eh nung nagpaulan sya ng matinong love life, pucha nakatulog ako!

A number of my friends have noticed a physical change in me, they say “gumaganda ka” (you’re getting prettier), “you’re sexier than before” and to all I just laugh (mga bolera! haha). I haven’t changed at all. I’m still the fat fugly bitch who left the corporate world a year ago. But they still insist I changed and they’ve been asking me what’s my secret. “Are you in love?”

No.

Oh wait let me think about it more…

No.

Still a big NO here.

It’s just too soon to tell. I know I have been bitter about my love life. I think I still am. What is it with me and keeping a decent relationship anyway? I still think that somehow I’m not meant to walk down the aisle or have a permanent man in my life. Men threat me like dirt. Maybe there is no right guy out there for me. Hahaha. I am bitter indeed.

A part of me refuses to believe that I’m a hopeless case and will forever remain a single mother. Now that’s just sad, isn’t it? So I’m still hopeful, otherwise, I wouldn’t be dating if I wasn’t hopeful, right?

I might not be in love with anyone right now but that doesn’t mean I’m playing around and dating every man I deemed fuckable. I really really like Mr. Y. I just friggin’ hope he’d snap out of it and treat me the same. Or I’d be the one to snap and break his leg. Oh well. Fudge sticks.

If I was in love, oh you all know how I fall in love, it’s usually head in first.

I just hope that when I fall in love…

1. He’s someone who would spend time with me especially on very special occasions and would go out of his way sometimes just to meet me.
2. He’d spend quality not just with me but also with my daughter because even if it is awkward for me, I want him to assure me he has accepted this situation and is comfortable with my daughter around.
3. He’d leave me a note, just because he remembers me even if I’m not around.
4. He would not mind the fact that I have a blog where I talk about my life and some of our stories for everyone to see. (oh but he could reprimand me a bit, as if I would concede )
5. He also wouldn’t mind the rumors running around because he knows he could always confront me about the truth and because he trusts me.
6. He’d be proud of us. He’d introduce me to his friends and hold my hand in front of them, he’d introduce me to his family too (at the right time of course).
7. He won’t allow petty fights to become big issues. If there’s a pressing matter, we’d get it fixed as soon as possible.
8. And he’d never leave me hanging (not just in bed you idiot). He’d try not to walk out on me in the middle of a fight.
9. He won’t hesitate to give me a hug even in public.
10. He’d let me cry in his arms, no matter how pathetic the reason might be.
11. He’d crack some joke for the sake of it. Even if it’s corny. As in dead pan corny. Just to see me smile again.
12. Once in a while he’d smile at me for no apparent reason.
13. He’d never hinder us from growing. He’d be open to good changes for both of us.
14. He would not try to change my past, accept that it is the past and he won’t nag me about it.
15. He’d hold my hand when we’re out and make the whole world jealous.
16. He wouldn’t go on a jealous rage over some guy who keeps looking and blame everything to me because he knows I have the hots for him and him alone and there’s nothing to worry about on my end of the rope.
17. He’d assure me when I have my insecurities.
18. He’d allow me to take photos of him or us. not in a scandalous way ha! Just still memories of us together.
19. He’d allow us to be a cheesy couple at random times and play tag with me in the rain, or count stars with me, or share his dreams with me or would allow me to kiss him at 12 midnight on new years. (seeee it’s cheesy! mushy mushy lol)
20. He’d help me out with making dinner or with laundry on lazy weekends and watch movies under the same blanket after.
21. He won’t promise me anything, but he’d make promises to himself of the things he knows he should and shouldn’t do.
22. He’d hang out with me even if there’s nothing to do and no money to go anywhere. We’d do some things together sometimes –things we’re used to doing alone– like shopping/doing the grocery or window shopping or running errands. You know simple mediocre things that are usually ignored.
23. He’d know that when I pick a fight with him or throw a tantrum, it’s just because I’m needy of his attention.
24. He’d sing to me even if he is off tuned just because the song he’s singing is dedicated to me.
25. He’d be my best friend first before anything else.

How I wish!

Are there still guys like this left in this world? Guys who are not attached/engaged/married, aren’t homosexuals, aren’t priests and aren’t dead?

Is Mr. Y one of them? I don’t know. And right now, I don’t want to make the effort of finding out. He should make the effort, I’ve burnt up with making efforts for my guys in the past. Like they say, if you want me, come find me.

I really couldn’t dictate how my guy should be. Like mr. Y now, I can’t tell him what he should and shouldn’t be. Things would have to come out naturally.

LOL instead of a very very violent post, after what happened last night, I ended up writing something cheesy and crappy (and oh lookie, another cliche!). What is wrong with my brain lately? Too much work I think. May be I should go to Los Baños this weekend and unwind. Who’s up for booze?

Haaay enough of this. Back to work first. Work na naman?

I shouldn’t be complaining, but I still do. Ang labo ko rin naman talaga.