Yes, I am.

I’m having a hard time feeling good about myself right now. Maybe because I am really not feeling well. Maybe because of my monthly hysteria. Or maybe because my friend (who I’m asking a big favor from, so I can’t reprimand what he’s doing) has been playing this emo kind of OPM songs from 6 Cycle Mind and Yeng Constantino over and over all afternoon… curses.

I feel so low. I smile yet I could feel the burning pain in my eyes, I could taste the pretense in my jaws. I keep trying to fix my life up and I find myself broken again.

I think I need to go out more often. Meet up old friends, have dinner with them. I think I had too much of the stuck-at-home-like-an-anti-social-hermit scene. I want to meet new people, maybe the bloggers I meet here in the blogosphere. I might not know them personally but at least I already see a side of them from how they write in their blogs. It would actually be nice to see new faces and talk to actual people rather than just the monitor.

But I don’t know anymore. I’m kind of insecure that my attitude would no longer jive with anyone’s. I might offend people who actually don’t know me. Or things might be going so good at the start and then you say something or do something they can’t accept, they can’t respect and kaboom major awkward moment. Joiz I hear my mom calling, rain check? Ktnxbai

*sigh*

Just. Freakin’. Great.

I might be quick to assume things. But the thing is, I felt like everyone’s walking out on me. And I can’t believe I’m somehow feeling like a loser because of this.

I am pathetic.