Miserably Hanging On

I have been trying to hold on for the last 10 hours.

I never asked for anything this Christmas save for me to find peace of mind. Why did it have to happen now? Is this my Christmas gift? Did I deserve this? Did I fucking deserve all this shit? What did I ever do to you to put me so far up and then drop me like a bomb? Why didn’t you just let them just shoot me in the head before trying to violate me, at least I won’t be screaming and fighting. At least I won’t have the memory of their fuck ugly faces etched in my brain before they got caught.

And you, the last thing I needed was to be shot down by you. I know you’re already miserable but I never wanted us to be miserable. I needed you. I was calling for you but you’re not there. And I can’t blame you for not wanting me now. I don’t know if I could ever look at myself in the mirror. But why bury me deeper in the shit I have been trying to get out of?

Will nobody ever understand? I’m trying to be strong. I am strong, they say I am but why do I feel so weak?

I might leave soon, for how long? Indefinitely. Where? I don’t know yet. Just far far away from the people who hurt me. I’ve had enough.

0 Replies to “Miserably Hanging On”

  1. Joiz,

    Hmmmm, if he/she does not think you are woth it, then wtf huh? They aren’t worth it as well.

    stay strong and know that you are more valuable than you think right now. come on, it’s the new year (quite a coincidence too), time to introduce a new you, time for new beginnings. 🙂

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