I Pause to Ponder

I read somewhere that there are only two greatest days in a person’s life. The first would be the day you were born, and the other one would be the day you find out why.

Inspiring isn’t it? Everyone has been unconsciously looking for the answer to their existence and yet have we found the answer? What about me? Have I even tried to look for the ‘why’?

I think I may have but due to my immaturity and youth, I may have lost interest along the way and have drowned in the temptations. I was blinded by gluttony, pleasure, power, freedom… ‘Too much and too little is bad for you’ they say. I had too much in my past and now I think I have too little. But I know these are the consequences of my actions and looking back, all throughout the journey in life, I know I took so many wrong turns.

And here I am yet again, trying to grasp the meaning of my life. Trying to understand why things happen in all of my 22 years of breathing. I’m only 22… Would I even know where to look? And if I found the answers, would I even be able to grasp the truth or worse, accept it?

Do I live for myself? For my family? For my daughter? Or for someone I can’t have?

Do I live for love? Or do I love to live? I surround myself with people I love and yet why do I feel so unloved? Why do I feel so unwelcome deep inside? Is it just paranoia? Is it just because I can’t let go? I want to get over the pain and suffering but why can’t I move on? Why do I keep holding on?

My journey for reason, for answers and for heaven continues… I only paused to ponder.

0 Replies to “I Pause to Ponder”

  1. It sure makes you think. If I think about it, I live for love but I do feel unloved, I never believe anyone loves me, sucks really, it’s the one thing I live for…. I think life is depressing! There has to be better after!

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