Whether you’ve been an RSS reader for a while now, or I have coerced you recently to checking my website, or if you just happen to come across this entry at some point in the future through searching and stalking, hello!
Oh dear… I’ve done this countless of times for when I tried to resuscitate my blog from hibernation. I got bored. I had too much on my plate. I got lazy. I have tried and failed endless times but thank you for your patience. I’m getting rusty. It has been a while now.
To be honest I have been unsure of the future of this website. I had all these ideas but I just couldn’t execute them for all the excuses I have above.
Then I realized if I don’t do it, who else would? To begin with, this blog was created by me, FOR me. I needed to write things down, what bothered me, what was hurting back then, and so I blogged to keep myself in check. It amuses me that in the last few days, when I read back my older posts, I get surprised with what I write about. I don’t recognize who I was anymore, or the way I write. I sounded so confused with my life, so needy and helpless, and heartbroken. I was so whiny and dramatic (weeeell, I still am dramatic lol).
Seriously, I was a teenager in my twenties. Worse, I sounded broken.
I deleted a lot of the meaningless posts. I only retained 200+ posts. I password-protected those entries that are milestones in my life. Events and thoughts I know I will go back to, and when I do, I want to be able to read how I managed to get through it all.
You may be wondering, am I fixed now?
Maybe. Maybe not. I’m working on it.
What I do know is that even if there are sad times (I’m only human yo), I don’t feel like a lost kitten anymore who couldn’t survive being out there. I’ve managed to toughen up. A lot of things that used to bother me back then no longer does. I’m more vocal IRL (and crankier), and I am able to seek help from others. I don’t feel as lonely as I was when I first started blogging 10 years ago. Holy cow, it’s been 10 years!?
I no longer feel the same hurt I had all those years ago.
Maybe that’s what I’ve associated my blog with. Routine and hurt. So much hurt. That it had been unbearable to go back to blogging.
But that’s stupid. I need to write my thoughts.
I always say to my friends when we go to a place and do something that we associate with a sad thought, it’s time that we “replace the memories”. Perhaps this is what my website needs. I’ve been wanting to blog for a long time, and it is time to give this old hobby another try.
I’m not trying to reinvent blogging. It’s just that I feel like the same person but very different. So I don’t really know what to expect from my blogging, but I do know this is exciting times.
*drums table* So! I don’t know what else to say. One good year deserves another, so let’s start this one off right. There’s a lot of work to be done tho. *frowns at website’s imaginary cobwebs*
Let’s see where this goes, shall we?