I know jealousy can be a deadly poison in a relationship, but I have grown a jealousy that might not go away that easily. I’m jealous with the freedom my boyfriend is getting. Since we are living separately now, (long story, don’t want to go there) he’s been going out with friends whenever he gets a chance, with work and his financial issues he rarely sees us. I, on the other hand, obviously has little Fiona to take care of. I’m not regretful of having a baby too early in my life and I’m not asking for financial support from him, but I just wish he’s aware that I feel neglected.

Although money is inevitably needed, I lost hope of him ever giving any financial support. But what I need his presence, his support in every aspect. Damn him. Every time I tell him that, he starts off with him having problems with his family and all that. For what he lacks, He blames everything else except himself. I want even just a bit of his sympathy but in the end I’m the one sympathizing with him and trying to understand his situation. But what about my situation? What about my daughter’s situation?

My family has been nagging me about being responsible with my new family. And after all that has happened, I realize I’m the only one working my ass off to make this family work.

He hasn’t introduced me to his family as the mother of his child, his family and relatives doesn’t even know he has a kid already. He doesn’t seem to want them to know of his responsibilities to me and to my daughter. I hate the way he’s been treating me, like I’m nobody. He says we are important; That he is thankful my daughter and I exist in his life and yet all his actions signals the opposite. He’s unconsciously pointing out to me that his friends are much more important than me. I guess I really am just a nobody to him….

I hate the fact that I have to rant this away in the internet. I can’t go on like this anymore.