I am tired. It’s 11am on the first day of the month, I’m still at home and I need to get back to the office to perform month-end (February) activities.
It feels like I haven’t slept the whole February. My statement is an exaggeration, but it is how “this” feels like.
“This” being awake most nights supporting this and that, having calls for this and that, and now pulling another all-nighter and working until 9am for this and that.
“This” being someone who still needs to do some chores because hello, mother to a 10 year old, and I have no nannies or helpers at home. Why do I torture myself like so.
I miss your steak and fries, but not the weather.
Ok, maybe a little of the weather, because my gosh, I’m melting here.
I can really do with the 16-18 degrees, though not really the negatives & single digit temps.
I also miss the beach.
I should move out of Manila or something.
— An adaptation of Bethany Rose’s prose —
I went through a phase of doing things on Facebook so that my ex could see that I was having fun.
Living life for an imagined reaction of someone who used to make me feel like the sun is the most messed up thing I’ve ever done.
However, I don’t think that it is possible these days to enjoy doing anything without being seen.
Never again accept early morning meetings after a night of beer.
Or never go out for beer if there’s an early morning meeting scheduled the next day.
go on a night of beer set early morning meetings.
It’s too early to think.
To he who abandoned her,
This is not a letter of hatred. I had to let you go for self-preservation, and I understand that you probably walked away to do the same. There was anger and resentment because I didn’t understand how you can turn your back completely from a gift made from love. While I still don’t understand, I’ve already forgiven you.
To she who is my sun,
Even if I can be very scary or very busy, I want you to know that my world revolves around you, and everything I do is for you. I am sorry that I am not perfect and that I cannot give you everything you need. I try. Please understand.
I Am Numb.
As I walk along this familiar path heading home, passing by our usual bookstore, our favourite coffee shop, the restaurant where we regularly have dinner, I staggered from the sudden pain I felt.
I knew the floodgates would open. As I walked past each one of them, tears threatened to fall.
And they did fall. My heart cries. My heart cries out for you.
Everything turned into a blur. And for a moment, I let the feelings overwhelm me.
When I saw you in the crowd, I felt nothing. Just a relief that I finally found where you were waiting for me. Even if I was already two hours late, you smiled at me. I grinned back.
I’m not a big fan of your new hairstyle. Your hair is too thick, and I liked your Asian hairstyle better. Nonetheless, you’ve always had beautiful hair so I stroked a section of it and commented that it’s getting longer. How I wish I could keep running my hand through your hair, but I didn’t.
He was new in town. No, wait. He’s new to the country. He’s a student who had gone to one of his best buddies’ country for the summer. She was a geek who knew one of his best buddies.
He stayed for a month. A couple of days into his vacation, they met. At a local convenient store of all places.
He never thought he’d cross paths with her. She never thought her life would connect with his. At first it was just fleeting flirts, hanging out with friends and eventually went into a full blown relationship.
I’ve only admired you from afar. For so long I have kept the feelings deep within the recesses of my heart, and at the back of my mind. I know I can only admire you like I would a star. And I admire you for your eloquence, your intelligence, your humor, your wit. And I admire you for how you make me smile, how you seduce me, and how you make me laugh at myself after because you tell me it’s a joke. I admire you for how high you’ve achieved and how far up I believe you’d still go.