Are you feeling it yet? The Christmas spirit, I mean? I bet you do.
It’s only a week before Christmas day and I’m guessing you’re experienced/done:
- going over your half-finished Christmas list and panicking that you haven’t even started wrapping yet
- decorating your house, your room, your usual classroom seat, your office desk, your boyfriend’s room, your cellphone, mp3 player, your web site, your outfit, your whatever with Christmas decorations
- sending out your Christmas snail mail greeting cards to relatives, e-cards and holiday pokes to online buddies, and what-have-yous
- feeling warm and fuzzy whenever you play a Christmas carol on your ipod and a bit irritated and murderous with the undying jingles played in the mall
- filling up your schedule with line ups of barkada get-together nights, family reunions, Christmas parties for work, for school, with orgmates, with the neighbors, with college friends, with high school friends, with elementary friends, with preschool friends, with your best friend’s wife and the lady elf from the mall
As for me, although #3 somewhat applies (after sending some e-cards to a few friends both online and offline just before getting too lazy to click), I honestly have not even started on shopping for Christmas gifts, I haven’t even confirmed my appearance on any of the Christmas parties I’ve been given knowledge about save the one tonight at RedBox, Greenbelt (blogger’s Christmas party), the one with my colleagues after Christmas and the usual family reunion at my grandparent’s house on Christmas. I haven’t decorated my place yet, not even a stocking or a Santa image could be found in sight, although I will help finish setting up the tree at home within this week. I have not been to the malls too often to really get a chance to listen to the latest annoying Christmas jingles.
Really I don’t feel the festivities at all.
Sad, I know. Especially for someone who has been so cheery during the holiday seasons in the past, no matter what the circumstances were. This year’s kind of different, it just doesn’t seem so do it for me. My mom and Brother 2 AND my daughter will be out for a vacation in our province on the 26th until the 5th of January. Although it leaves plenty of time to celebrate Christmas, and although Brother 1 will be staying here in Manila, I still feel a pang of loneliness that I won’t get to spend New Year’s with my baby.
(And then I realize Brother 1 might celebrate new year’s with his girl friend and then who the hell do I celebrate New Year’s with? My boyfriend you say? Read on dearies…)
That loneliness worsen when my quasi-boyfriend, the Alien, sort of confirmed how his postponed out-of-town business trip would fall on the same time my family would be gone. He’d be gone for 2-3 weeks and amidst not wanting to go, he still has to and I don’t think he’d decide in favor of me. He hasn’t even thought about seeing each other just before the holidays because he also don’t feel the worth of the holiday. And I really feel he’s no longer up for continuing this quasi-relationship that has been damned the moment disaster loomed it’s ugly head (the trouble is, I am such an idiot to be so loyal even if the guy obviously no longer finds me interesting to date. feh). So much for hoping to find a reason to celebrate. 😥
Now you know why I keep playing the effin “All I want for Christmas is You” song over and over in my player and secretly gush over the most pathetic Christmas tv ads where there are scenes of family reuniting and lovers spending Christmas together. If this depression continues,… oh no I’d rather not think of it. You do not have to drill it in you know!
But I have no plans of ruining everyone’s holidays with my sorry ass holiday. Really. And I have been doing my best to kill the growing Scrooge in me and remain joyous of other people’s good times. In fact I’ve been drowning myself in Starbucks coffee and frappes (I already gave the two planners I was able to get to my cousins) and hurricane cocktails and red horse beers.
I didn’t write this to look for pity but if in case things do get worse, could someone please adopt me for a week? or just for the New Year? Pwetty pwetty please? No? K.
*sigh* I hope the news change for the better in the next few days. This is the time I badly need a miracle.